this love

I wrote a poem once
For a wedding
For a good friend of mine
And I thought
When I wrote that poem
That
That
Was what love
Was about

It was about revolution
And marriage being revolutionary
And how you commit to marriage the way
You commit to the revolution
It was about struggle
And fighting
And passion
And dreaming bigger then you could ever dream
Just so those dreams
Could be shot down
And you could struggle again

It was a beautiful piece
And I meant every word

But now
I realize that
This love
It doesn’t look like that

This love

And its going to be funny to even write

But this love
Is about peace
Man
Its about struggling
For something better for our family
Its about dreaming dreams
That do come true
Every day

This love is about cooperation
And working together
And being fair
And patient
And honest
And up front

It’s about never going to bed without kissing
No matter how upset we are
And its about picking up slack
When the other one needs help

It’s about showing our kids something different
Then what we saw
And its about apologizing to them
If they see us fight
And explaining
That
That
Is not the best way to resolve conflict

This love
Is something
I never dreamt
I ever wanted

And it may not be about
Revolution
But it is about giving me
The space
To be revolutionary
If I choose

And giving you the space
To change
Or not to
While you are on the journey
That you’re on right now

This love is about a foundation
that is strong
and is based on mutual experience
as a result of growing up
in the same place
at the same time

it’s about knowing someone for
10 years
Then falling in love with them
Without even trying

This love is about some
Cosby show
Boy meets world
Type love
You know those shows where
You wished
You had those parents
That’s what this love is

Its about not being jaded by what
We’ve seen
We’ve been through
The pain the people
We love
Have been through
At the hands of the people they loved

Its about longevity
Its about something new
Its about rising each day
And still being
Visionaries
Romantic
Being radical about this love
Being TOO idealistic

Its about
Being patient
Because all great things
Take time
There will be mistakes
But its about learning from them
And loving because of them
Not
In spite of them
Its about knowing now
That there will be times
It will be easier
To walk away
And staying will be hard

This love
Is about work
Because if doesn’t feel like work
Then its not going to

Its about making
One
Where two
Once stood

remember

I stood in front
Of the brain
Of a 1 month old child
Someone that child trusted and loved
Shook that baby
Till she died
And I got to see what it looked like
After
Swollen to an unbelievable proportion
To such an extent that I asked
“how could that brain fit inside a one month old babies
Skull”

Who remembers that child?
The person that loved her
Killed her
So who hangs her pictures?
Who decorates her grave?
Who tells her brief story?
Who makes sure the person who hurt her
Is punished under this law?

Every day
I help victims of violence
But sometimes
It’s so far away
It’s a description of events
On a paper
For me
Things I need to prove in front of judge
Its not something
I see in the mirror
And its not
A child I hold
A scar i heal

So I am sorry
To my clients
For the times
I forget
To be more compassionate

I’m sorry for the days
When your
Story seems
Mundane
I’m sorry for not taking every call
Or returning every message

I forget that this
Is your path
To your liberation
And I’m sorry for the times
I forget that
That I don’t help in that progression
I will
Try harder
To remember

Desmond

Desmond
Joseph
Emiliano
KarateExplosion
Boyd

Son

I look at you
And wonder

I wonder
What the future holds for you

I wonder if your fate
Is colored
Different
Then your brothers
Because of the color
Of your skin

And I wonder
If you’re twice as
Fucked
As they are
because
My statistics
Are stacked with your dads
And there is no place
In this world
For a black chicano
With a liberationist
Lawyer Mother
And a
Republican
Doctor Father
To blossom
properly

KARATE EXPLOSION

My youngest son
Came in to this world
SO stubborn
After 4 bottles of castor oil
And 2 false alarms
An IV of pitocin
That didn’t work

Then you were born
On your time

With caramel skin
And sandy brown wavy hair

I see how the world receives you now
As a gentle, patient
Mixed baby
So handsome
And cute
Without the second thought
That in

15 years
They will be
Unhappy if you
Are the one
Of mine
That ends up on
Their
doorstep
To take their daughter to the movies
Or hang out with their son
That you are the one
They will follow around
Stores
They will follow in cars

They will follow
On the field
Or court
Which are the
Only
Acceptable places
For you to be

My son
Who at 13th months
Wanted to read a book
At the doctors office
My smart little boy
Who is like
An active volcano
Beautiful to look at
Calm
Regal
Until triggered

Everyone who says
You’re patient
Has never seen you
When you wanted something

Desmond
Joseph
Emiliano
KarateExplosion
Boyd

You have a name
Strong enough to carry you
Through this life and onto the next
Without stopping for gas

Desmond – for Desmond Tutu, for the meaning of Desmond that read’s “time traveler, visitor of the universe” Desmond because that was your name the minute we heard it

Joseph – For the Tio you never met. The one your father loves so much. The one who changed the Anderson family.

Emiliano – for my favorite revolutionary, Emiliano Zapata. Wanted to give land back to the people for he knew the power of providing for yourself. As your Gallegos family does.

KARATEEXPLOSION – what can I say?

Y el apellido de tu papa, because we though Juarez-Boyd was a bit much
After the other 4 names

Desmond, you
Were conceived and grew in my belly
In my 3rd year of law school

You went to every class,
Study session and exam

And upon your birth son

We settled into our hospital room for the night and as you slept and ate
I studied for the bar exam
And when we left
You would come with me every day

In a sling

So tiny and quiet
In the back row

Of my BarBri Prep class

The only time we weren’t together was when I took the actual exam

Me sitting in bathroom stalls on the floor
Trying to pump between test segments

Son
The future
Holds something
So different for you

Something your father and I can never imagine

Because truth be told
Where we are now is something we never imagined

Because truth be told
You are something we never imagined.

But you
And your brothers
And the life we have is so amazing
That what the creator gives

You

Will be nothing short

Of a karateexplosion