Summer 2008 - Now

“men who'd often tryand justify their lieswith manhood deficient twisted notions of survivalinsecure seeing even lovers as their rivalsand hiding behind the armorwhen karma completes the cycle"
- “Sagaba (remix) Geo, Blue Scholars

I
Do a job that

Hits

Too close to home
Sometimes

You see
I
Was in a bad place
Once

And
I
learned
To
Not
speak of it
Because
I was
“too smart”
to be
there
because anger
was not feminine
because we
live
in a culture of
war
so what I experienced in my
home
was normal

but sometimes
I
sit
Across my desk
From a woman
Who looks like
me
or I get a training that
floods my memory
and all
my shit
comes back to surface
and
I
run
I run as fast as I can
Back
To the place where I regained
My strength
To a place where I
“seek solace
in remembrance”

summer 2008

and in the
7 minutes
I
have before my client comes in
I try and lose myself
In the blue scholars
And memories
Of Heba Gabby Kelley
And my kids

Try to run
And remember
How strong I am
Now

Because there was a time that I wasn’t
And doing this job
It’s easy to remember those times
All
The time
And it’s amazing how
When you’re in it
You don’t see how
Bad
It really is

But from the outside
And 2 years later
It’s real
Easy
To say
“THAT was a problem”
“That was wrong”
“No one deserves to be treated like that”


And lately I’ve been given words
That I’ve been thinking on
A lot
“your silence will not protect you”
-audre lord

“acceptance and forgiveness is key”
-evy trezvant

“let us study peace, love and truth”
-iyanla van zant


And
I
Am trying to find comfort
In speaking
About the life I lived
In my marriage

And
I am trying to learn
To accept
My past and what happened to me
And forgive myself
For the choices I made

and
I
Am trying harder
To work and love
from a place of peace
Which is not easy for a lawyer

Or woman who lived through the things
I did

I want to always be making
Peace
With my partner
And I want to show my clients
That yes someone
Is
fighting
for
them
But that revenge and anger
Are not the only tools we have