ABC's

A
My Viejo calls me from the doctors office
Where he is with our middle son
Antonio
Again
B
My second son
Little man who was trouble
Before he even got here
Made me so sick I lost 20 lbs
Running out of law school classes
To hurl in public bathrooms
C
Birth was not different
Polyhydramnios…too much amniotic fluid
Turned sideways
And decided to come at 3 in the morning
D
Never content
That boy yelled
Not cried
For food at 2 weeks old
Wanted no one but me
For the first 9 months
E
He clung to me
Would cry if I left the room
I was
The only parent he had
For a long time
F
Didn’t talk
Didn’t walk
Didn’t crawl
Didn’t smile
And I truly believed something was wrong
Turns out
That boys just
Stubborn
G
Stubborn as the day is long
My emotional
Hard headed
Libra son
Tony who cries if you look at him wrong
But is afraid of no one

H
My boy who has never
Been healthy
But always had
The heart of a fighter
Never worried about his ability
To fend
For himself
I
I heard my son say his ABC’s
Today
For the first time
From the doctors office
J
And for the first time
I worried
Tony has spent
About 3 of the last 7 weeks
In the hospital
Or doctors office
For his lungs
K
He’s had
Pneumonia
Adenovirus
Ear infections
He’s been on 3-4 medications
Continuously
Since January
L
My two year old spends 20 minutes
Twice a day
Taking medication
He’s so good at it
He just sits and does it on his own now
The need for liberation is greatest
When the complaining
Has stopped
M
My son is so used to medication
Nebulizers
Inhalers
That he wants to do them alone
And he’s just happy its not
Steroids
IV’s
Or oxygen tanks
Anymore
N
2 years
6 months
and
11 days on this planet
and I’ve never worried as much as I have
in the past 7 weeks
O
My son who is so
Strong
That on the day he was born
And I held him in my arms
He made me
stronger
P
I worry now and I can’t stop
Cystic fibrosis?
Speak English doc
Tell me what that means
What are the chances he has it
And if he does then
What are his chances?
Q
The hardest part
About being a parent
Is not being able
To fix
Everything
The hardest part
Is the squeezing feeling on my heart
When I don’t have the answers
Or the tools
Or the language
R
I ask the Creator now
To please assure me
That there is a great plan
For Antonio
That his presence here is so needed
That he won’t ever be ill
again
S
My son
Who I have always been sure
Would be a great athlete
Or doctor
Or leader
My son who is never pleased
But always happy
T
My son who is reserved with strangers
Trusts no one
And is self preserving
Is so sick that he was strapped to a machine
For two weeks
Couldn’t go anywhere without a tube up his nose
He can fight the world
But not the illness in his lungs
U
My son who is 200% better
Then he was
The day we checked him in to the hospital
Is still not as healthy as his brothers are
Still cannot live normally
He asks for his “beething” in the morning and before bed
He knows the routine and used to the masks
V
Tony who I will always baby
Because he was so sick
Because he looks like me
Because I was his world for so long
Because he’s so emotional
And he needs extra love
W
I ask the Creator
To watch over our family
To understand
How he is needed
How we
Are not whole
Without him
How we need him healthy
And strong
To understand
That Tony is our warrior
X
I wish the worrying would stop
Or least lessen
But it seems that after today
It won’t
Not for 6 weeks
Not until we know something more
Y
I heard my son
Say his ABC’s for the first time today
From the doctors office
And I ask the Creator
For a sign
For a plan
For Tony’s life
That makes him so valuable
That he will never be ill
Again
Z
I ask the Creator
For health
And for time