Walking Away

I am finally at a loss for words and
So I am back to writing
It has been a long time since I’ve put my words down on paper
While I have had ideas floating through my head
Poems about our sons
But not a poem about you
(Which you so often point out)
But I have been angry for a long time
I have been angry about the way you talk to me
The way you treat me
They way you don’t trust me
But you talk to people behind my back
(especially when in reality I don’t care about stuff like that if you just let me in and be honest)
I have been angry with your threats to leave all the time
I have been angry with your constant criticism with no acknowledgement of the good things I do
“I gave you the power to make me feel the way I thought only my father could”
Which is probably why you’re so angry that I try to help him out
I’m angry that you don’t help me with the kids
Angry that I go to school, keep the kids by my self, work two jobs and you STILL complain about me
But I am done
I am so done being angry, and sad and hurt
I am done wrapping my feelings up in the way that you feel
I’m over it
I have two kids to think about
And I am the only parent they have all week
I cannot be caught up in your shit
on my time with them
So I’ll stop
I’m going to do me the best I can
I’m going to stop making excuses and trying to please you all the damn time at the expense of me
Because you do not bust your ass trying to please me
You tell me you buy all these things for me
But you don’t
You buy them for you
For whatever reason
I don’t ask for nor need them
I am grateful but not in need of these things not at all
Not at the expense of our relationship
Because as I see it
You don’t have to be nice or grateful on a daily basis because you buy an expensive gift every once and a while
Everything is always on your terms, when you want it
Well, not any more
I’m the old me again
Starting yesterday
I can’t do this the way I have been
Anymore