John Mayer

My boys are going on vacation with their Papi for two weeks. They leave tomorrow but I'm already feeling nauseous and sick. The longest I've ever been without them is 3 days and that was for the 4th of July. I'm really scared and nervous and I don't know what to do without them or how to deal. I don't know who I am anymore if I'm not a Mami all the time. Ugh. I don't want to feel this way, I feel so sick. I know it's good for my boys to spend time with their dad, don't get me wrong. It's just hard to see them go.

Being a Mami has changed my life and become everything I am all the time, first and foremost, revolutionary parent then I’m everything else, so it's hard to be without them for more then the 8 hours I’m working everyday and even then when I get home I just hold them and tell them, everyday “Son, you are the best part of every day” and it’s the truth. There may be good days and bad days but nothing tops holding my kids and having them there. So what happens Wednesday when I come home from work and the best part of everyday…isn’t there? I’m sure this is unhealthy in someway but I don’t know what else to do or feel.


“Your body is a wonderland”
Ha, maybe yours is Ma, but my body
Well my body is a jungle gym
For my 2 year old
Who finds Mami on the floor doing crunches
The best toy in the house
As he
Steps back to get a running start
As he leaps on to me
“Maammiiii”
And as he lands on my stomach he looks at
And smiles
“Te quiero Mami,
Super duper”
Oh, te quiero super duper son
You have no idea
As he climbs over me
Jumps off
Face plants and laughs that laugh
That sounds like heaven
And its now
As a single mom
That I realize the value of
Me
You see
Once upon a time
I did not respect
The temple the Creator has given me
At least not in a way
That let the rest of the world see
The respect I had for myself
I was disrespected because of it
Time and time again
But I know better now
Now I know what love looks like
I stayed somewhere too long
With someone who didn’t love me
Not the way comrades and partners should love each other
And not the way a man should love a woman
At least not in my eyes
And had it not been for the love of my children
I may have stayed there
Forever
Convinced that the little love he showed me was
Good enough
But once my second son was born
My little mama’s boy
And he looked up at me with those big gray eyes
I knew what had to be done
And he saved me
They both did
In their own ways
So now with pride I say
My body is not a wonderland
But a jungle gym
For my 2 year old angel
And his little cherub brother
And I
Well
I am a better woman because of it